Terrorists, please consider Boca

The first town any terrorist should consider when contemplating an attack on the U.S.A.is  Boca Raton. It is a town in South Florida which translates to rats mouth. The original named in ancient maps “Boca de Ratones” referred to a ocean inlet in nautical terms.

Mouth of rats is aptly named. I lived right next to this city and had the displeasure of having to deal with some of its citizens. You see it is a city of Palm Beach wannabees and transplanted angry Northerners. They are very well off but not rich enough to live in Palm Beach, but act like they do. Most are arrogant, cantankerous, combative and self entitled hemorrhoids. You know the type, they try to cut you off in shopping carts at the grocery store, movie lines or in a parking lot and they have no shame in doing so.

Most of the elderly ones have handicap placards in their luxury cars. When you see them get out of their cars the only thing wrong with them is they want to park close to the mall entrance so their plastic surgery doesn’t wilt in the Florida sun. At last count there were 554 listings in the yellow pages related to “plastic surgeons” in Boca. Fivehundredand fuckingfiftyfour!

There are probably more nail salons and beauty parlors per capita than Beverly Hills there.

I like the younger set coming up in their ranks. I see them driving BMW’s, Mercedes, Audis that are obviously leased. The tires on their cars are bald as Patrick Stewart because they cant afford the fancy apartment, the fancy car lease and the expensive tires on their car. I used to work next to a used tire shop and you would see them buying used tires for a $75,000 car.  It’s all show while they live beyond their means.

When I was single and did the occasional foray in Boca nightclubs invariably every woman would ask what you did for a living before they asked anything else. Sometimes I would fuck with them and say I was a doctor. Some of them their eyes dilated and on one case when I said I was a doctor her nipples actually got hard. If I wanted to get rid of them I would say I was an disposal engineer. When the few asked what that was I said I worked driving a trash truck. They ran like they were heading to a sale at Macy’s basement in Herald Square.

They throw around “I live in Boca” like a badge of social status. Ironically the city boundaries only extend so far west from the coast so everything within earshot is Boca Burgers, Boca Nails, Boca Proctologist, ect, ect. even though it is in incorporated Palm Beach County. So the idiots say Boca but they don’t live in the actual city of Boca but they pay for the privilege.

The restaurants are overpriced and snobbish. The Boca Raton Resort & Club  which was intended as an oceanfront resort is neither on the ocean or a club since it had to buy a golf course seven miles north of the resort to qualify as a resort/club. Ironically the golf course is just outside of city limits, hilarious I know.

The exclusive communities that are a dime a dozen  have ostentatious entrances with water fountains, more foliage than the Amazon River and sweeping driveways leading to zero lot line homes that have been grossly overpaid for. With names like Park Harbour. Its America morons , it’s harbor. It’s not England. Restaurants with the word grille in the name, it’s America fools, it’s grill, look at a damm dictionary.

It appears that I have an axe to grind with Boca but not really, I enjoyed sitting at a bar watching plastic surgery filled grandmothers trying to pick up people half their age and grandpas wearing more jewelry than Joe Pesci in Goodfellas doing the same. Somehow grandpa would drop into the conversation that he was “connected” up North.

It would be a good place to start boys but there would be a lot of plastic surgeons relocating.


About Jorge G

business owner, writer of books Miami Beat & Miami Moon, column writer for The Lake Worth Herald
This entry was posted in Florida, Palm Beach county, South Florida and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Terrorists, please consider Boca

  1. OrlandoChris says:

    Comparison chart of candidates for Florida Governor:
    Vote for Adrian Wyllie.

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