Republican Presidential Candidates for 2012 or The voyage of the dammed


Folks here is a an all star list of the Republican Presidential candidates. Please do not confuse them with automatons, Stepford wives, clueless wonders, reprobates, miscreants or talentless misogynists.
There are a few who will actually merit some attention for the right reasons.
I’ve categorized them for you, no thanks needed.
There is not any particular order.Make up your own list, might make a good party game: Rank the candidates.
Mitt Romney, failed presidential candidate, ex governor of Taxachussets. age 63
the Lyle Waggoner of politics, has looks, smile, jaw line. Brain optional.
Tim Pawlenty, Governor of Minnesota, age 50
bland, cookie cutter politician, reminds you of Don Knotts
Michelle ” The Stepford Wife” Bachmann, Congresswoman from Minnesota, age 54
makes Sarah Palin look like a Rhodes Scholar, husband runs a clinic that deprograms gays, nuff said.
John Huntsman, former ambassador to China, age 51
yep a real politician there, rich guy with time on his hands.At least he can order chinese food.
Newt Gingrich, age 67,former House Speaker, pit bull in spare time, claims to be Christian.
Well known story about serving his wife divorce papers while she was in hospital. Good luck Lothario.
Rick Perry, Governor of Texas,age 60, another Mitt Romney clone.
 Last Guv of Texas didn’t do too well.Sorry guvnor, Ann Richards was better.
Sarah Palin, age 46, former governor of Alaska, Mama Bear,hunter, historian.
makes Republican bankers wet their pants, is in more Republican wet dreams than Jessica Alba,shoots out dysfunctional  kids out of her vagina like a Pez dispenser. If she had a brain she would be dangerous, thank the Almighty she does not.
Ron Paul, age 75,Congressman from Texas.
Decent chap, a bit past his prime.If he wins the nomination have defibrillator handy.
Rick Santorum, age 52  former Senator from Pennsylvania
ho-hum, did he do anything while in Congress?
Herman Cain, age 65, former CEO of Godfathers Pizza
token African-American candidate to make the GOP look progressive. Can he make us an offer we cannot refuse? Can he deliver in 30 minutes or less?
Thaddeus Mc Cotter, age 45, Congressman from Michigan
This guy really does exist, and that is his real name.
Buddy Roemer, age 67, former Governor of Louisiana.
Wrote a book in 1987 titled: ” The Roemer Revolution” apparently they started the revolution without him.
John Bolton,  age 62,former ambassador to the United Nations.
He certainly straightened out the U.N. didn’t he?
Mitch Daniels, age 61,Governor of Indiana
has made Indiana what it is today.
Donald Trump, age 64, age of hair: unknown, professional blowhard, T.V. personality, developer, married to a model.
had the pleasure of being at a fundraiser at Mar A Lago a few years ago to see the Donald berate one of the volunteers about the timing of the speakers on the dais, had the poor Palm Beacher in tears.
Mike Huckabee, age 55, former Governor of Arkansas.
host of “ Huckabee” on that fine, fair and balanced Fox news, coughbullshitcough.
Haley Barbour, age 63, Governor of Missisippi
Did a good job with the Katrina disaster, sounds like a wheeler dealer.
John Thune, age 50, Senator form South Dakota
plus: voted for TARP. minus: name recognition.  plus:Will get all 328 voters from South Dakota.
Mike Pence, age 51, Congressman from Indiana
plus: has stood up to the GOP on expenditures  minus: he’s a congressman from Indiana
Jim De Mint, age 59, Senator form South Carolina
wrote a book in 2009: “Saving Freedom:We can stop America’s slide into Socialism. Sound the alarm, the commies are coming!. A tea party favorite son.
Chris Christie, age 48, Governor of New Jersey
a Tea party favorite, has taken on the unions in Joisey.
Jeb Bush, age, 57, former Governor of Florida
Destroyed education in Florida, brought in charter schools, stuck his nose in the Terry Schiavo mess.Has a dim bulb for a brother.
Bobby Jindal, age 39, Governor of Louisiana
The Alfred E. Newman of the GOP, wrote a book ” Leadership and Crisis” in 2009, did not handle leadership during Katrina very well.
George Pataki, age 65, former Governor of New York
$0 cash on hand for campaign, $0 receipts in 2010, good luck Georgie.
Michael Bloomberg, age 68, Mayor of New York,
Done a decent job in N. Y., more money than God, Jewish, would make a good President.
There you are kids,  plenty to choose from, next time we will do the Dems.

About Jorge G

business owner, writer of books Miami Beat & Miami Moon, column writer for The Lake Worth Herald
This entry was posted in Politics. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Republican Presidential Candidates for 2012 or The voyage of the dammed

  1. Anonymous says:

    Mr G, did not know there were that many candidates,thanks for the update

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